Why is it so hard for me to meet new friends that want to get together from time to time?

I am really at a loss when it comes to this. I moved to Texas 4 ½ years ago and it has been literally IMPOSSIBLE to meet new friends who actually want to hang out from time to time. I am 30 years old, married with no children. I got married 3 ½ years ago, but most of my husband’s friends are single. He has two that are married but one of them is married to his ex-girlfriend’s best friend so his wife doesn’t like me for whatever reason. We hang out with the other couple once maybe twice a year and that’s it. She always seems interested when we’re together but I found myself doing all the calling so I stopped. I went over to her house to visit a few times, but that’s only because I suggested we hang out. She borrowed $20 from me three or four months ago and never paid it back. I called her just to tak one day and she had company so I told her to call me back. Two months passed and I didn’t hear from her until last Monday. She called and wanted to know why I hadn’t called her.

Why is it so hard for me to meet new friends that want to get together from time to time?
Yeah I know how you feel. It is pretty hard to find friends that you could really connect with. I am 29 years old. We moved to New Jersey 5 years ago and I have a 4 year old. I just recently took my son to children's activities so I can meet other parents. I don't have any real friends yet. They are just acquaintances to me. I only have 1 childhood friend that I communicate with on email and she lives in Texas and she's a single mom so she really doesn't have time and can't afford to come visit me and we can't afford to visit her. So far I've invited 3 families over to our house for dinner and I can not seem to click with any of them yet on a deeper level.


1 of the moms I've invited over was a vegetarian and she never told me that she was one until I served her thanksgiving turkey, she is paranoid about eating certain kinds of foods and her thoughts are always negative and her husband doesn't have any etiquette because when I greeted her husband with a hug, he stood there like a dang old corpse. I recently broke my relationship with this mom.


Another mom doesn't talk that much in person. Its hard to have a conversation with her. She doesn't make an effort getting together. She doesn't have any etiquette either (long story). I invited them to dinner and at least they ate everything. They said they are gonna invite us over but they still haven't.


Another mom is self centered. She always talks about her daughter and her life. I have always been supportive and asked about her life and always listen to her. She rarely asks about my life. Our conversation is always one sided cuz it's always about her. When her and her family came over for Christmas dinner, she dressed up her 1 year old daughter is a big red poofy dress which was kinda over the top to me. We gave them a bunch of leftover food to take home with them and they said they would invite us over to their house but haven't heard from them yet.





Anywho, I am always the first person who always makes the first initiative to getting together and to get things moving. I always email or call first. It is lonely to not have any friends. I am still searching for my "Ethel".
Reply:Join some kind of club where you will meet women you share interests with.


Do you work? If not, consider a part-time job that uses your interests. Gardening, work in a nursery - Baking, work in a bakery -


Maybe you and your husband could join something or take lessons together where you'd meet couples who share your interests.
Reply:Women tend to compete with one another. You must be one fine woman if they are intimidated of being around you.





You need to stop focusing on searching for "friends". People will come and go throughout your life. But you will probaly get a very small amount of FRIENDS.





You and your husband need to put yourselves in places and events that have people that are more compatible to you.





Go volunteer at the recreation center, church or other place that needs Adults with free time. (Most people have kids which interfers with volunteering). Go coach a neighborhood softball,drill or step team.





Join the your neighborhood crime watch and civic association. Once you start putting yourself with unselfish people you will enjoy giving yourself. You will meet non competetive women and have a different perspective on what life is all about.
Reply:Okay, please don't take this the wrong way. I've seen a lot of your questions on here (Y/A) and while I don't pretend to know you-I think I have an idea about your personality.





You seem very set in your ways, i.e. this is wrong, that's right, etc., etc. That can be hard to take sometimes. I've wanted to answer some of your other questions, but I didn't want you to get mad and take it the wrong way. But, I don't think you're aware of how you come across. You have a very strong personality-while there isn't anything wrong with that per se, it can be very hard to make new friends or get along with people when your personality is very dominant.





My suggestions to you would be to relax. It isn't your job to govern the world or to change everything about it. It's like the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;


and wisdom to know the difference.





I think people don't want to be 'bothered' with you because you may seem too uptight for them. And mainly, people just want to relax and enjoy the moment, not have someone pick apart every moment.





I think you mean well (from what I can gather from here) and you seem like a very nice, caring person. Just take a deep breath, stop overanalizing everything and enjoy the wonderful things that you do have going for you now. If you do that every thing else will come in time.
Reply:Well, I don't know you or what you do all day, but if you want to meet people (as friends) get out there. Volunteer with an organization that you are interested in - that way you are meeting people with similar interests and who are hopefully not so flaky if they are responsible enough to actually work with an organization (this isn't foolproof, but it may be a start).





Also, take a hard, honest look at yourself. Could you be doing something that would cause someone not to want to hang out with you?





Good luck, I know it's hard making friends once you become an adult, but sometimes if you can meet one good friend, they'll introduce you to a larger group.
Reply:How about hanging out with your own husband? You are thinking and behaving like a single woman. If you like hanging out with friends so much, why get married?
Reply:Stop telling us your problems and talk to her
Reply:don't be in a hurry to make friends. when your type comes up it will just click . what you need do right now that you are more alone is to know your self better
Reply:Do you go on like this in public, or do you let the people you're with ever get a word in there?


Just a thought.
Reply:I have that same problem.
Reply:You need to find something else to do and meeting new people will happen naturally. Some women, are terrible at keeping friendships when they are in a relationship. You seem to know there is a benefit to not having all your focus on your husband.





I've found most people are out for themselves. If you want to hang out only a couple times a month, you are not gonna like everything these people do. If they cannot stop calls from boyfriends during your "hang" time, they gotta go.





The thing is, the older ya get, people seem to "disappear". They are into doing their own thing. They do not want to socialize. Especially, since you moved to this new area, some do not want to get out of their ruts...they may even like their misery.





I would reroute my energies into a hobby, instead of people. It's more predictable.





I am glad you recognize, that you cannot be the one to do all of the calling and inviting, etc. You are on the right track, but not everyone will respond correctly. Don't settle....good luck!
Reply:its too long if i wanna read that much i wouldve read my novel that i have an essay due on it so get it shorter or pay someone to hear you loliloli


go get high